Dear St. Elizabeth's School Community, 

In today’s world, where we see so much division both nationally and internationally, one of the most important skills we can give our children is the ability to approach conflict with courage, empathy, and creativity. At St. Elizabeth’s, we don’t just aim to “settle” disagreements. We teach students how to transform conflict—to see it as an opportunity to grow, to strengthen relationships, and to understand perspectives different from their own.

Conflict transformation isn’t about “winning” or avoiding tough conversations. It starts with asking: What’s really important here? What does the other person need me to understand? How can we move forward respectfully? These are questions that will serve students well in friendships, families, and eventually in workplaces and civic life.

Drawing on my graduate work in Peace and Development, certificate in International Conflict Transformation, and my experience writing curriculum for the United States Institute of Peace, I know these skills can be taught—and practiced—at every age. At school, we help students learn to:

• Name their feelings and needs honestly.

• Listen actively so others feel heard.

• Paraphrase another person’s experience to build empathy and perspective-taking.

• Seek creative solutions that honor everyone’s dignity.

• Repair harm when mistakes or hurtful words occur.

You can reinforce these skills at home. Here are some simple prompts to use when conflict arises:

• “Can you tell me what you heard your sibling say, in your own words?” (paraphrasing)
  

• “What do you need right now?” (naming needs)
  

• “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?” (building empathy)
  

• “What’s one idea that could work for both of you?” (creative problem-solving)
  

• “What could you do to make things right?” (repairing harm)

From role-plays in the younger grades to restorative circles in middle school, these practices give our students the confidence to face conflict not with fear, but with real skills and compassion. And when families use the same language and tools at home, children experience consistency and reinforcement that makes the learning even stronger.

Together, we are raising children who will not only navigate disagreements well, but who will also grow into the bridge-builders and peacemakers our communities—and our world—so deeply need.

Best foot forward,

Adriana Murphy
Head of School